I don't think I'm ready for this. . .

So its been a while since my last post. Over a month in fact. Thats almost embarrassing. But, I have been busy living it up with my friends during that time. Now, looking back, I'm amazed at how much we've done together. Thats what makes it so hard to be saying goodbye.

Today Carrie got married. I'm so happy for her, really; she found the guy of her dreams, he treats her like a queen, and she is so so happy. Its the best thing for her. Last night we had a "Bachelorette" Party of sorts, which consisted of going bowling, watching a movie, chatting it up like old times, getting a car wash, and chilling at Maverick until 2:30AM. It was honestly one of the greatest nights of my life. I had seriously forgotten what hanging out with the dream team of Ashley and Carrie was like, and man, was it amazing! Now Carrie's all married off and I would be VERY surprised if me and Ashley ever hung out like that ever again. Those were some good times for the memory books.

All summer long, both this summer and last, Sunday nights have consisted of our annual Walks. Last year The Original Clan consisted of Me, Matt, JD, JD, Melanie, and Carrie, then occasionally Tommy. This year, things shifted a bit, Carrie was gone most Sundays, and Alan joined the group. We had visitors off and on, including Kendra, Amber, and Kelsey. It wasn't bad until a few weeks ago when we started counting down the weeks we had left. We figured last Sunday would be JD's last Sunday with us, and it was really hard to get everything figured out and settled. When we finished the walk and found a new spot on the lawn to sit and chat, I started thinking, which never is a good thing, and really started freaking myself out about what was going to happen within the next month. Luckily, Matt stayed later than everyone else and we had a very nice chat, and he helped calm my nerves a bit about things that I really couldn't do anything about at this point in time. I thought I had overcome a huge hurdle, especially with it being JD's last week, but then today, he decided not to move to Ephraim until Monday because of the wedding, so he will be here for this weeks walk.

Normally, that wouldn't be a bad thing, but today has been one full of ups and downs. Between the wedding, spending extra time with Ashley and JD, and cleaning my room up some more it really hit me how, even though I'm not moving for another week, most everyone else is moving this week, and theres a very good chance I might not see most of them until the holidays, or even until next summer. This scares me so much you have no idea. I've been cleaning out my closet over the past week and a half, and going through 18 1/2 years worth of stuff is one of those things that makes you think and remember all the good and not-so-good times. Some of the people I'm not going to be seeing are the ones who have been with me through all those times. I don't know what I'm going to do without anyone up in Provo with me. Not that I'm jealous of the people going to Snow who are taking the majority of their friends with them, but I'd be way more comfortable with one or two friends heading up with me. Now I just feel lost.

I don't know. I'm sure I'll be fine. Everyone has said they were super nervous before they went to college and everything worked out, but right now, I am definitely not feeling so sure. I guess I just need to focus on finishing this week at Vision, and cleaning my room and packing. That should keep me occupied.